it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
