Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
