It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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