Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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