remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
