so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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