Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
