4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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