the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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