I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
