I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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