just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
