The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
