this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
