She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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