Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
