i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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