Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize