my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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