Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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