id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
