I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
