my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
