I wish I could punch you in the face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
