I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
