Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
