How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
