Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
