other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
