Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
