I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
