yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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