If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
