toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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