i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
