i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex on a dog bed..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
