i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
