How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
