8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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