my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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