I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
