my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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