dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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