Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
