You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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