im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
