The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
love makes seman taste better
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
