what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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