Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
