Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
