I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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