dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
