these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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