wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
