You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
