break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
