oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
