it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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