I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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