ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
40s are totally the cure
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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