Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
