I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
