I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
