Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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